im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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