I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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