He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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