The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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