I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
