As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
