How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
