you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
