I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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