I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she smelled like a LAN party
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
