No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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