Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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