What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
