if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
