Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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