Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
