i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
