This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
