he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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