Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
