He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
