Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
