haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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