...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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