I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
