glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
