I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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