Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
