roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
