Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
