he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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