I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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