So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's get the cat blown out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
