Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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