Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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