fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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