im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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