i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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