he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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