So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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