It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
