it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
