A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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