Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
