I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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