i jhust puked up my retainher.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
