I seem to have left my pride at pride
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
