I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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