My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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