Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
