I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
