life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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