areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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